Brave Through Fear
by mdelpin
Summary: Natsu is tired of all the fighting but Gray will help him put things into perspective. This is my 6th entry for When We Take Different Paths (wwtdp), an @ftlgbtales tumblr event. This is for Day 13:Tired. Check out @ft-wwtdp to see more stories from FT LGBT authors.


Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima

When We Take Different Paths- Week 2- MLM/Slash

Pairing: Natsu x Gray

Prompt: Tired

Brave Through Fear

Gray Fullbuster, Fairy Tail's resident ice mage was looking for his rival and sometimes boyfriend, Natsu Dragneel. It had been hours since he had last seen him and that was unusual. Lunchtime had come and gone, and he still hadn't made an appearance at the guild.

After searching for what seemed like hours, he finally came upon him sitting on the edge of a ravine and staring out at the horizon. Natsu's face was unreadable, and that in itself was strange. Natsu was usually a ray of sunshine so bright that Gray had no choice but to punch him just to avoid being blinded.

"Hey, Flame-Brain," Gray said, a slight edge to his voice making his words sound harsher than he intended. "Lucy's looking for you. She wants you to take her on a job so she can make rent."

"Why don't _you_ take her?" Natsu replied in a monotone voice, his gaze never moving from whatever had captured his attention.

"It's unlike you to not go running when she calls."

"Did you come here just to try to pick a fight with me?" Natsu said in that same wooden voice. "Cause if you did, you can just go back to the guild. I'm not in the mood."

Gray was taken aback. Natsu Dragneel did _not_ shy away from a fight - implied or otherwise.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" Gray asked gruffly as he sat next to his off again boyfriend, giving himself enough space to brace in case Natsu tried to push him off.

Natsu's silence was louder than any yell Gray could have been expecting. It set him on edge, he wasn't good at the whole comforting bullshit, that was more of a Lucy - Natsu thing. Gray and Erza were more of the effusive pat on the shoulder and keep a stiff upper lip philosophy. He certainly couldn't pat Natsu's shoulder here, not with the precarious way he was sitting and that left him with somewhat limited options. So he remained silent, waiting for Natsu to speak.

Natsu finally broke the silence. 'Why are you still here, Ice Block?"

"I told you, Lucy wants you to go on a job with her."

"Fine, you've told me. Now go away."

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong," Gray said stubbornly, he hated to admit it, but he was becoming a bit worried.

"Suit yourself," Natsu replied and went right back to staring at nothing.

 _Fine, two can play this game!_ Gray thought to himself, _I can sit here and stare at nothing just as long as he can. Hell, I can probably do it for longer._

He smiled to himself as he got himself ready to out-sit Natsu, after all, anything Natsu could do he could undoubtedly do better. He drummed his fingers restlessly against his thigh. When that ceased to be entertaining, he thought of a song his mother had sung to him when he was young and began to hum it over and over, a small smile touching his lips as he saw Natsu start to twitch in irritation.

"Can you please just go?" Natsu finally asked, and this time some emotion crept in, but it wasn't annoyance. Gray wasn't really sure what it was, it was something new, and it concerned him because he thought he knew everything there was to know about Natsu.

"No." Gray said softly, "I'm here, aren't I? Talk to me."

Natsu turned to look at him, and that's when Gray finally saw _it_. Natsu looked tired, but it wasn't your typical lack of sleep tired. No, this was soul weary to the bone tired, and it shocked Gray more than he cared to admit. The only other person he'd seen look like this was Gramps after the Battle of Fairy Tail when he expelled Laxus from the guild.

Natsu was not supposed to look like this, he was supposed to be cheerful and defiant. Gray opened his mouth to say something, but came up empty, leaving him somewhat disgusted with himself. He really was terrible at this. Gray did the only thing he could think of.

Natsu was a very physical person, it was something Gray both loved and abhorred about him depending on his mood. He awkwardly grabbed the Fire Dragon Slayer by the arm and dragged him closer, until their sides were touching. He awkwardly, but solidly patted Natsu's shoulder and left his arm resting there.

Natsu looked at him in disbelief and said, "You really are the most confusing person I have ever met."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gray snapped, annoyed that he was going out of his way to try to make Natsu feel better and it felt like he was being insulted. "I'm trying to comfort you, aren't I?"

"Yeah, Ice Princess you are, and I _am_ grateful." Natsu said slowly, "I just don't understand _why_ you're here."

Gray managed to look contrite as he realized that after their last interaction Natsu had every right to be confused. "Look, even if we're not… I still care. I'm sorry, okay. I didn't mean what I said, I was just…." He left the words dangling not able to explain what he did not understand.

"Jealous," Natsu provided helpfully.

'Do we have to talk about this now?" Gray groaned, "I don't think that's why you're here."

"We don't have to, and you're right. It's not." Natsu didn't move, letting Gray's arm remain around his shoulders. He stayed quiet for a few minutes before finally speaking up.

"I just... It feels like we've done nothing but fight for our lives since Lucy joined the guild." Natsu sighed as he looked back out towards the horizon.

"Every time we barely win, and somehow every enemy we fight is stronger than the last, and it feels like no matter what I do, I fail." Natsu pounded his fist into the ground for emphasis.

"No matter how hard I fight, everyone still gets hurt. So I somehow find the will to fight harder until there's literally nothing left of me, and somehow we squeak by but…" He looked at Gray and confided in a low, weary voice. "I'm so tired, Gray."

"I don't know how many more of these fights I have left in me, and I worry that one of these days, I'm not going to be enough." He looked pained, and like a dam that finally burst, questions flowed from his lips. " What's going to happen then? Who is going to take my place? And what about me? Am I going to die without even finding Igneel? And what about us? Are we just going to keep missing each other until it's too late?" Gray tightened his hold on Natsu's shoulders at hearing those words.

Natsu grabbed Gray's hand in his and squeezed in response, "It's all too much. I just want to go back to the way things were. I want to go on jobs and bicker because I'm too destructive and you can't keep your clothes on, and Erza brings too much crap. I miss sparring for fun, all we do now is have these stupid fights because you've convinced yourself that Lucy is trying to take me away from you _."_ Natsu sounded frustrated.

Gray considered Natsu's words for a while, not sure what the correct response was if any. Everything Natsu had said was right and he felt awful for never considering how all of the things they had been through would have affected the Fire Dragon Slayer.

"You know how I lost everyone I loved when I was little." Gray looked down at his fingernails, not wanting Natsu to see his face. It was still hard for him to talk about even all these years later. "Ever since then it's hard for me to let people in, but there are some people that I consider _mine_." This time he did look at Natsu because he wanted him to understand and he squeezed his hand perhaps a little harder than was necessary.

"The fear that those people could be taken away from me at any moment is something I fight with every day. It's not some general worry, it's happened already." He paused for a moment, trying to think through the next bit.

"Every time we're in a battle there's a moment when I freeze and wonder if this will be it. I hate that it's always you who ends up in the crosshairs and that you're too damn stubborn to stay down when you're clearly in no condition to keep fighting."

There had been so many times already when he'd thought he'd lost Natsu and every time it happened he was filled with deep regret. Gray would think about all the things he didn't get a chance to say, and all the things that he wished they'd done and he always promised himself that if he got the chance, he would do things differently. But he never did, he always let the fear have its way with him.

Natsu, on the other hand, always tackled his fears head on and Gray found he was never afraid with Natsu by his side. He was strong, and they all depended on his strength to fight their own demons. Gray needed to help him find that strength within him again, and even though he might not be the best at this sort of thing, he was all they had at the moment.

He let the affection he felt for Natsu seep into his voice. "I accepted a long time ago that it's who you are, who you always have been, and I admire that about you. You never give up no matter how the odds are stacked against us and somehow you always pull us through. I know you're tired, and you have every reason to be, but do you honestly think you'd be able to do anything differently?"

Natsu shook his head, and Gray smiled at the boyish response. He turned his body slightly so he could look Natsu in the eyes.

"No one knows what the future will bring Natsu, not even Cana. Things will happen whether we worry about them or not. All we can do is try to live the best we can, and if something does happen, we will all face it together, like we always do."

Gray waited a few minutes for the words to sink in, after all, Natsu was a stubborn man. When he felt the Fire Dragon Slayer's body relax against him, he knew that Natsu was at least considering what he'd said.

"Now, as far as fun is concerned… how about we go find a job where you can be destructive, and I can take my clothes off." Gray grinned suggestively.

"I'd like that, but we still haven't discussed Lucy." Natsu pointed out, and Gray's smile withered as the dreaded topic reared its ugly head.

"What is there to discuss? She's obviously interested in you."

"Even if that's true, what do you want me to do about it? I can't control that. You know I don't feel the same, why can't that be enough?" Natsu implored.

"She's always touching you and demanding your attention. How am I supposed to feel?"

"Well if you would just come out and tell people we're together I could tell her that, instead of being stuck in the middle between the two of you."

"I'm scared okay! I love you, and I don't want to lose you too. If I say it, the clock starts ticking."

Natsu started at him open-mouthed. "You what me? You've never said that before."

Gray sighed, "I do, just don't make a big deal out of it."

"Idiot, I love you too." Natsu smiled for the first time since Gray had arrived.

"Then can we just go back? I don't want to fight anymore." Gray said, his voice sounding tired to his ears.

"Yeah, Ice Princess, we can go back." Natsu smiled at his boyfriend as he stood up. He offered his hand to Gray and pulled him up. "I believe we were going to go look for a job where you could be naked?"

Gray snorted and pulled Natsu in for a chaste kiss. He'd missed him the last few weeks they'd been on the outs, even though he was loath to admit it. Natsu responded eagerly, and they walked back hand in hand until the guild came into view.

Once inside they headed straight to the request board. Gray asked Natsu to keep looking while he went to get them some drinks. He waited for Mira to fill his order and watched from the bar as Natsu continued to look through the requests. Gray was happy they had worked things out, it was always lonely when they really fought. His eyes narrowed when he saw Lucy head straight towards his boyfriend, job request in hand.

"Natsu, where have you been all day? I've been looking everywhere for you." Gray watched in defeat as Lucy began to tell Natsu about the job she had picked for them. He felt the familiar stirring of jealousy rise up in his chest like bile, and he reminded himself that Natsu had told him that he loved him.

It didn't matter though, Natsu always acquiesced to Lucy's wishes. This time would be no different. Gray looked down at his drink, resigned to having Lucy come with them.

"I'm already going on a job with Gray. Alone." Natsu said, his tone leaving no room for argument. Before she could protest, he added, "I'm sorry, Lucy. You'll have to find someone else to help you with your rent this time."

Gray looked up, had he heard right? The annoyed look on Lucy's face confirmed what he'd heard. He looked at Natsu in wonder and smiled at him proudly as the fire mage walked over to the bar, request in hand.

Natsu faced his fears every day. Maybe he could too. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to let go. He thought about what he had told Natsu and decided to take it to heart.

When Natsu reached him, Gray took him into his arms and kissed him, not caring who saw or what it meant. Natsu deepened the kiss, and they ignored the catcalls and whistles of their guildmates. As they separated, Gray was able to see the happiness in Natsu's eyes and knew he had made the right decision.

The future would come no matter what they did, it was pointless to waste time worrying about it. And when it did, Natsu and Gray would face it and kick it's ass, together. Like they always did.


End file.
